Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
