I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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