My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
