My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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