Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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