I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
