textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
