I have demons in me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
