i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
