Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
