just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
