Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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