And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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