when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
