The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I came so hard my ears popped.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
