So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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