i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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