i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
