Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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