i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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