bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize