Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I skipped work to stalk him.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
