Someone shit on the floor
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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