Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
