The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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