she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
