haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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