Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
