mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
where am i from again
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
