he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize