Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize