It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
