I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
