my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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