I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
