Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We don't watch enough power rangers
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
its liver damage thursday
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
