first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Buhtt sex?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
