god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it glows. i had to have it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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