I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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