hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How does one acquire holy water?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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