we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
