Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
