I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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