I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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