how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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