i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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