I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
