Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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