she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize