I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize