The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
