so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
