4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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