Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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