You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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