I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
