i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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