If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize