I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize