yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
