The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
