My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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