somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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