So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
